What do you do when?
You explain the problem in elaborate and detailed manner, expecting a solution, and the only reply you get is "ok!!"

arghhhh!!!

Read this somewhere:

"Sometime, the only repentance, is to live happily and act as if nothing ever happened"

Probably, this is why its difficult to define and live Life!!!

Phase 2 Phase

Placid smile brightened her face as she sipped hot ginger tea standing on the terrace of the building. Shravya always enjoyed her tea time. Watching sun going down, magical palette of colors in sky and a warm cup of tea, what else she wanted. Nights are dark and days are bright, both had their own harshness. The only balancing stroke are the evenings. Days pushed her towards future, nights pulled her back in past. Leaves of coconut tree that stand tall were rustling and got chance to obstruct the view. Leaning against the wall supporting solar heaters of the building, Shravya looked at the traffic, far on the old airport road. She was lucky to have avoided the Bangalore's traffic during rush hour. It was a calm evening, cool breeze blowing, kids coming back from school, but behind all this, there was a storm building up, inside. In spite of sound on the streets, she could clearly hear Thug-thug-thug from her own heart. 

A voice came from inside, "You must tell him, tell him that there is no reason to continue this relationship on broken foundation of love. Nothing matters more than the trust and faith, which you have already broken. Parth might have forgiven you, but you must not forgive yourself". Even if Shravya tried hard, she could not argue this. The irreversible past was haunting her. She and Parth had a wonderful relationship of ten years, till she came to know Pramod. A turning point in her life which made her think about the relationship and its shear existence. The gaps of their relationship started becoming visible to her than ever before. Nobody could replace Parth, but Pramod was filling the gaps. As always Pramod became a good friend and then when he expressed his love to her, she realized the fact that being in love with Pramod by cheating Parth is surely not her way. Pramod had left her now but the sprouts of love that were growing for Pramod were far to control. Struggling in this tug of war, she decided to reveal this truth to Parth. She was holding the pieces of old envelops on which she scribbled Pramod's poem during their discussion on Frost and Dickinson. The only memory that she was still holding were his poems written for her.   

"I will call you back in sometime, bye" talking to someone on phone, came Parth. He knew where he can find Shravya at this time of the day. He wasn't sure how to break the news to her. Being naive in cracking jokes, Parth gave a sheet of paper to Shravya. Though the piece of paper was familiar to her, getting it from Parth was surprising. She did not want to open it, as if opening it will sink her into eternal whirlpool. Still hoping for something else she looked at Parth, who was waiting for her to open the envelop. As she was about to say something, Parth stopped her. He pulled out a dried rose with long stem out of the book he was holding along with envelop. She smiled, and memories came rushing. How fifteen years back Parth came to meet her on New Year's Day morning. Wearing white-kurta and blue-jeans as he stand on the door. He gave this red rose to her, Shravya was unsure of how to react, hid herself behind the door. Nobody has ever given her a red rose. Parth had lot to say, but he was sure how he can say zillion words with this rose. Today he was holding the same rose.

Keeping her tea mug aside, she opened the envelop, took out the paper. It was a report from hospital which stated that she will soon be a mother. Few scribbles on a paper have made her look beyond present.  Suddenly she could see the future clearly. It has started taking shape. In anxiousness of seeing beyond the time, she forgot that she was holding future inside her. If the foundation is broken, there has to be a way to fix it also. Past is irreversible, but mending things in Present is always possible. 

A silent tear trickled down her cheeks as she slipped the pieces of crumbled envelops from her hand, which were quickly blown away by the wind. 

When I see the clock ticking,
wonder I,
its running for whom?
for the one who has seen the dawn
or
for the one who is waiting for it

Summer is approaching, so is the itching for mangoes and cold water from pitcher. Worldly act of creating wise-golden words are keeping me busy. Window in my office has finally given up on me. Its always closed and the fast, creaking cars can no more disturb me. The view has also been destroyed & green slush is replaced by jungle of cement. Big machinery not just making sky-scrapers, but rising human expectation to touch sky. Reach for unreachable!!! 

When someone tells me: "You are a strong person"
I reply: Yes, I take iron tablets everyday...

P.S. You don't have to be nerdy to be a happy person. Your poor jokes can help you become one.

Motherhood; A Life long job!!

A drop of tear trickled down her cheeks as she kept the receiver of the phone down. Mayur, 4-year old boy quickly saw his mom's availability and grabbed her sari and started struggling to get into Sarita's lap. Sarita smiled at Mayur and holding him away from her asked him to play in the courtyard of the house. Seeing Sarita's condition, 10-year old Nupur came by the side of her mother. Shyly asked Sarita "Nanu ka phone tha? (Was it grandfather's phone?) What did he say? How is Nani (grandmother)? Sarita gave an artificial smile and hugged her. Trying to hide the truth, she told Nupur that Nani is fine and soon she will come back home. She decided to finish few things before Kishor comes home in evening. She told Nupur to finish homework and keep an eye on Mayur, who was, by then care-freely playing in courtyard. 

As she opened the wardrobe to take out few pair of kurta-salwar and saris to pack in suitcase, she looked at her wedding reception sari, hanging in the metallic hanger, peeping out of the less visited corner, on which Sarita's mom had done embroidery all by herself. She gazed at the fine embroidery of the Sari for few minutes. Each thread had a memory attached to it, as if Love was woven in memories. Rose, bougainvillea, marigold and amaltas flowers were embroidered on the border. During spring, winters, summers, these flowers used to bloom in their garden. She gently touched one end of the sari which had a special pattern to it. It was peacock feather pattern. Memories came rushing and storm in Sarita's eyes. She kissed, smelled and hugged her sari as if she just wanted to re-live all the memories at once. She remembered how she used to pluck China rose everyday and watered them to ensure continuous supply during the blooming season. During summer morning walks with her mother, she used to pluck amaltas twigs and keep them in water hoping to get fragrance all day long. How every morning she used to get up early to collect peacock feathers, during the period when peacock shed their feathers. How she used to pester her mom to allure Peacocks with grains and breads, so that they shed feathers in their garden. Sarita and her mother had once sowed onions, potatoes, carrots, radish, eggplant(brinjal), spinach in their kitchen garden. Short were those days and evergreen as always, when Sarita's world revolved around her mother. For Sarita, mother had been a teacher, sister, friend, gardner, competitor, chef, priest, tailor, mechanic, and most importantly a MOTHER;  

A deep crease suddenly came on her forehead as she heard the phone-bell. Quickly picking up the receiver, she listened to the news patiently. As she ended the conversation with monosyllables, she kept the receiver down. A part of her childhood had gone, her part of the role, of being a daughter had finished. Mother had left Sarita, with only one choice; of being a mother. Feeling a sudden craving for her mother, she felt a lump in her throat. With a chocked heart, she called Mayur and Nupur. With tear filled eyes she looked at her innocent kids; smiled Sarita with shivering lips; hugged them with the hope to give the best of memories to her kids as her mother did.     

The Theory of Natural Rejection

No need to tell anybody how you are feeling. What you are doing? How you suffer during that particular moment, when pressure of being in crowd is intense. When you crave to be the only person ever existed on earth. Nobody to see the state you are in. When you want to do a magic trick and become invisible from the world. When you intensely want people not able to hear or see you. When your suffering (even momentary) is because you are surrounded by people who can hear and see you. When you want people of have selective memory or suffer from memory loss to forget about your embarrassing moments of life. 

Most of us have gone through it, but nobody talks about it. Every one else gets the sense, but still they dont say anything to each other. Like unnoticed expressions, we all sense, but nobody breaks the silence. We know the reason, we decode the cryptic signals, but still. We give each other an innocent smile and give looks as if nothing has happend. Sometime, we wait for others to express their embarrasing moments.  Some things are natural…. By now, you have already guessed what am I talking about. No? Louder please!! Oh no no, am not talking about break ups or sensex drops in HSE(Heart Stock Exchange). 

Ok, Imagine you are in a closed meeting room with more than 3 people, discussing something important and suddenly you get a pungent (H2S like) odour. It was nobody else, but you. Everybody is suffering from the aromatherapy, but they behave as if there are important things to be discussed. Everybody send a cryptic signal to each other, to know who the culprit is, so that they can kill the person for this treatment.

Imagine you are sitting in quite cozy place alone reading a book and unknowingly hunting the treasure inside your nose and suddenly realize that somebody passing by has seen you. With in seconds, that person honours you with "The Most Dirty & Disgusting Act" award (virtually).

Imagine you are praised for being Rupanzel among your peers and suddenly a small living creature drops out from your hair on clean white table top. A moment of silence is loud enough to make you feel the itch of "OMG- that-thing-is-in-your-hair".

What would you do? What do you think? Dont you act as if nothing has happened. Dont you hope that nobody heard anything.  Dont you want to be the only person ever existed on the earth, so nobody could hear the bombing contributions and nobody can identify the natural source of H2S. For that particular moment when feeling is intense and you are surrounded with people, dont you want to have magical power to become invisible.

All of us at some point of time must have had our moments of glory ;) All of us are aware of our natural actions and phenomenon, but rolls up eyes when it comes to others. 

I guess, all of us believe and follow "The Theory of Natural Rejection" with mutual consent.

Fruitology!

I just logged in to my blog and clicked "New Post", haven't even seen when did I posted last. Well, it doesn't matter. Till I am allured to this writing habit, I am happy. So, where were we? high on life? fundas? please don't whisper, say it loud. Oh!! you mean you are bored of the Life's lessons I had been giving? So no more of that. I was also surprised, why my fan club is getting smaller ;)

So, here are the updates:

Last week, my migraine actually became pain not just in the head but also in the ass. 4 continuos days...The dark side was, I screwed a bit of work coz of headache. On contrary, I had to call sick on one working day and slept for more that 14 hours :)

I did a extensive search ( No, I did not browsed page 2 in google search) for ways to get rid of migraine. I found this terrific idea of detoxification of the body and hence, getting rid of migraine. The trick is you have to go on fruit diet for a day or two as long as you want. Only fruits, any type (except for bananas) and any amount. Initially I was a bit hesitant on doing this, coz I have acidity problems which triggers headache. Since, nothing was working I thought let me try this as well. I had 3 apples, 3 pears, 1/2 muskmelon (cantaloupe), 20-25 strawberries, and 250 gms grapes in whole day. Another important thing was, I had 3-4 ltrs of water that day. It definitely became embarrassing to go to loo so many times, but I guess my body was flushing out the toxins. By afternoon, my 3 days persistent headache had gone and I was feeling very light.

Then, while browsing more I found that in ayurveda or naturopathy its always recommended to go on fruit diet if one in suffering from stomach upset, migraine, seasonal flu. Am happy, I tried that, it might have contributed in shedding some grams off my body :)

Its an Egg-stra weekend!!! easter is here and I have 4 days off from work. Its not that I have big plans for weekend coz weather is all screwed up, but it feels good when you realize that you already had 2 days masti and 2 more days to go ;)

So, I am gonna chillax for 2 more days :)

HAPPY EASTER!!

Oxymoron

Right now, am in office.  Although I have a lot of work to do, I  do not feel like working. This thought has been floating in my mind since last night. Since, I was too tired to take it out last night, I am doing this right now. Perfect timing!!! ;)

Is it possible that the happiest moment of your life is actually the most regretful moment? When you are sad, it tickles you, makes you feel wonderful, but when you are happy, it makes you sad. Don't know why, but these days I am  experiencing the same thing. Thinking about somethings makes me both happy and sad at the same time.

I feel each one of us live our life on many plains or levels. Sometimes we define ourselves for what we WANT to be, other times we do things for what we actually ARE, and some other times we act, how we are supposed to or SHOULD act. If there is a conflict between them, then its a big trouble. You will never know, who exactly you are. 

Somebody said this to me once that Humans cannot live a Binary life. Jumping from 0 to 1. Switching from ON to OFF state. Shifting from attached to detached state. There is always a swift transition. So why can't we gently slide from one level of existence to other? why there has to be jerky transitions in form of pain and regret?? Isn't life's all about striking balance & smoothness??

I guess, I just have to convince my Heart not to battle against Mind, Mind you, Mind is always right!!! The most logical, practical, pragmatic, realistic, factual, seasoned, sensible and ofcourse, hard-nosed is THE MIND.......

Still...Emotions bhi kitne stupid hote hain, logic hi nahi samjhtey!!!! (emotions are dumb, they dont understand logic)

Stillness

Silence screams,

Precious lost.

Void asks,

Heart is numb, mind is dumb.

And eyes?? they are fool

just pouring…..

Prayer

I didn't want to write anything sad here, but I couldn't stop myself. I logged in and out of blog for 5 times in an hour, thinking about writing this or not.

These days I am come back home, late in the evening around 9 pm. Since last 2 weeks, I have noticed a guy waiting for someone at one of the train stations. He always has toothless smile and a rose bud in his hand. Dont know for whom he waits for. He looks at each train that stops by, his eyes scan each compartment in a hope that someone will get off. As the train leaves the station, his smile withers away, like the flower in his hand.

That very moment, I feel very lonely.

For last 3 days, I noticed another guy, carrying a huge bag pack, as if he has his home on his back. Dressed shabbily in torn clothes with shower caps as his shoes. I felt so ashamed, that I complained of winters.

God, I always complain to you for not giving me what I want. This makes me realize, I need contentment more than anything, give me that. Give me strength, so that in future I dont just shed tear, but do something to bring change in their lives.

Love you.

Basics of Lyrics

On the way back home from office, I was listening to this song, "Adhoore tum, adhoore hum, bin tumhare" from the movie "break ke baad".

There were these lyrics somewhere in the song "Woh raat ki chupi mein, shor natkhat chor de". Either writer is trying to explain his snoring problem or may be unknowingly the air pollution he makes while sleeping :P

Angle naya hai, mujhe lagta hai humein ise aur discuss karna chahiye :P